“In this respect, our townsfolk were like everybody else, wrapped up in themselves; in other words, they were humanists: they disbelieved in pestilences. A pestilence isn't a thing made to man's measure; therefore we tell ourselves that pestilence is a mere bogy of the mind, a bad dream that will pass away. But it doesn't always pass away and, from one bad dream to another, it is men who pass away, and the humanists first of all, because they have taken no precautions.”
― Albert Camus, The Plague

nicolas grey 5/12/22 nicolas grey 5/12/22

life is a …

nicolas grey 5/11/22 nicolas grey 5/11/22

A-MEN!!

In this upcoming book we chronicle the origin story and forthcoming adventures of a new super-villain group called the A-MEN, a group whose ultimate goal is to bring about the "end times" by lying, cheating, stealing and making a buck off of the rubes in any way possible! They take on any opposing groups and individuals that believe in truth, justice, science, morals and facts until the entire planet is under their control and have to live by the A-MEN's code thereby creating a homogenious society based on one "true" God/money/power, where science and facts are considered evil, and where free-thinking and creativity is abolished.

The members of the A-MEN consist of:

CONALD DUMPSTER who was born into a rich, ruthless and racist family. He grew up protected and empowered by his family's wealth and the older he got the more he used this money as a way to take advantage, bully and hurt others, especially women, immigrants and the poor. Despite his many, many failings and bad business decisions, Mr. Dumpster inherited so much money that it didn't matter how many times he had to declare bankruptcy, and enabled him to conjure up all sorts of crazy scams and lies about how he was a genius investor worth billions! He even had a T.V. show entitled "The Boss of Bosses" (not sure i'm crazy about the title. maybe something that rhymes with Apprentice or sounds like it?) to help promote his delusions about being a highly successful businessman. Despite and because he lived such an evil and duplicitous life, he was able to use his purported wealth and influence as a T.V. star to trick people into supporting him.

CONALD boarded a flight to Florida to golf on one of his courses, to oversee the furthur destruction of a nearby beautiful swamp which he was using to illegally dispose of toxic waste, and most importantly to entice people to join his fake University, buy his new line of rancid steaks and help to finance and build a wall along the coast of Florida to keep sea turtles and boats carrying immigrants out.

On the flight the Conald was jumping up and down and crying and yelling at the porn star who accompanied him (his pregnant wife being left behind in NYC), because there were no private jets available for him. Just as he was about to grab a stewardess, a lighting bolt hit the plane, the pilot lost control and it plummeted into the toxic swamp. Later, emerging from the toxic watery wreckage was a giant Cheetoh-like monster with crazy hair and incredibly small hands. After surviving this crash, the Giant Cheetoh's ego grew immensely larger, giving him even more rediculous delusions of grandeur and leading Conald to believe that the he and other's who emerged from the wreakage were chosen by God to do God's work by possessing and raping the Earth to bring about the end times!

- HALlelujah or HAL (acronym for hallucination, anarchy, laughter)

Is actually an alien (one of the grey men often reported in abductions), who has been watching, monitoring and making subtle suggestions to Conald for a good while - he is able to hypnotize humans into seeing him as one of them. Hallelujah's mission is to take over the Earth, rid it of all its nature and human inhabitants so that his people can colinize it. Through his race's monitoring technology, when he discovers that one flight will have not only Conald on board, but also several other evil people as well, it became priority number one to bring it down and unite these dastardly passengers to form a team that will carry out Hal and his race's mission.

Hal has the power of invisibility so it was easy for him to board the plane unnoticed. When the time was right he summoned a lighting strike, helped in part with his race's ability to create weather. After the plane crashes in the swamp, inspired by Martin Sheen in “Apocalypse Now” (his favorite movie), he slowly rises from the burning liquid, his head on fire, but no body, only a skeleton head! He proclaims that he is HAL short for HALLELUJAH, a messenger angel sent by God, to help Cheeto and the other survivors there in their ‘righteous’ quest for power…he thinks he can have a lot of fun with these misfits. Reverend Dick and Phil O'Steen both exclaim "AMEN, our Lord has saved us!!" This gives Hal an idea: this new group of villains shall be now and forever more be known as "The A-MEN!". After they see who is still alive, how they’ve been changed and then gotten their wits about them, HAL posits that’s it’s miraculous that they’ve survived as a group, and are “blest by God” with their new powers, Hal suggests that they all unite and join forces to rule the planet!

Also on board is the undercover F.B.I. agent, who has been surveilling Trump because of his NYC mafia ties in the building trades. I’m not sure right now, how he should be changed/what powers…but he should be changed also and continue his undercover work.

- Cardinal Cardinal

Cardinal Wilson was a Bishop, cleric of the Catholic church, who fervently believed that it was man’s duty to maintain all of God’s creations to the best of one’s ability. To, if possible, leave the environment in better shape than he had found it. He was a believer in global warming, a fighter for human and animal rights and a staunch environmentalist. He even had a pet bird, a male cardinal that he had rescued from a cat’s attack and nursed back to health, that he’d named Francis. The bird was clever, did tricks, and actually responded to some of Cardinal Wilson’s commands.

The only thing it still did was to shit whenever and where ever it felt like it. But Cardinal Wilson loved

God, his creatures and Francis in particular. The bird would allow itself to be caged so Cardinal Wilson could take him along with him for company when he would travel on the church’s business. Thusly, the two Cardinals found themselves on a flight together on a trip to a Bishops’ conclave. Unfortunately they would never arrive there.

Caught in a fierce thunderstorm, the plane was struck by lightning and crashed into swamp that was far off their course. Cardinal Wilson was clutching the cage with Francis in it when they hit. But this was no ordinary swamp. This property was the property of Cheetoh, the unscrupulous, disgusting, real estate monster from NYC who had bought the property to build a golf course and to use the nearby swampland as a despository for the illegal dumping of toxic waste. So the few on board who survived the crash were subjected to an electrified and fiery bath in a lethal soup of irradiated heavy metals and toxins.

Cardinal Wilson and Francis were melded together in an unholy joining that left a man-sized bird with a human mind trapped inside it still wearing the Cardinal's hat. Cardinal Cardinal was pissed-off at God and man and the failure of both to save him from his horrendous circumstance. Sure, the new Cardinal Cardinal could fly, but everywhere he went, he left a trail of giant, toxic and radioactive bird droppings on humans, animals and the environment. And Cardinal Cardinal was just fine with that, because he didn’t believe in anything anymore.

- Reverend Dick Hardon is a small town Priest in North Dakota. He had, for a long while, enjoyed the protection and general ignorance of his religious flock towards his sexual ”proclivities". Even though he was admired and sought out for his “fire and brimstone” sermons, his counseling and fatherly advice by local townspeople (and his “engineering” of some miraculous cures of the blind and lame with the help of willing and/or paid accomplices), Rev. Dick started to feel that there was more money, power, adulation and sex awaiting him out there in the big scary, unknown world at large…mainly with new altar boys, but nubile choir girls (and even MILFs and FILFs with “offerings” to help make him richer promoting the Lord and himself ) will do in a pinch.

Reverend Hardon had enjoyed the recent influx of new followers and altar boys with the current Fracking craze in his state, but after all resources had been extracted and the land and town was left poor, decimated, with poisoned and flammable water and in absolute ruin, he made up his mind to leave for greener pastures. The only problem was that although it was completely accepted in his little North Dakota town, Reverend Hardon's ALMOST constant “six inch protrusion" underneath his priest costume could be a problem elsewhere. He’d temporarily solved the problem by carrying a cowboy hat or a donation box in front of himself, but he had to find new ways to hide his most powerful asset/weapon if he was to go elsewhere.

Reverend Hardon hopped on a flight in Bismarck, and luckily made it through security after tying down his erect member to his leg, which he can do for only short periods of time . After a quick connection in Cleveland (with a willing and rich dowager), he was off to a mega-church in Florida where he was hoping to make connections that would relocate him to a church that would be in a larger city filled with young boys and some girls, whose parents normally wouldn't willingly allow their children to spend time with a complete stranger, but as long as they had a priest collar on it was cool. The good Reverend got so excited thinking about these new “opportunities” during this flight that the bondage failed and his member torn through his pants, and just as the woman/person sitting next to him was about to scream

at what was exposed, the interior plane lights flashed and went out as the plane started a instantaneous deep descent towards a glowing swamp below.

Emerging from the sludge, Reverend Hardon was still human-looking, with his member now an even bigger, more-erect “Hog-leg” measuring a foot-and-a-half long by 4 inches in diameter! This weapon was now an incredibly lethal and effective instrument that he could use to destroy anyone and anything that stands in his way at getting what he wants.

- Phil O’Steen - from Joel Osteen, a televangelist the semi-legitimate money-maker for the group. His powers would be to control TV and all communication.

- Kernel Kalvin Korn (initials K.K.K.) - neo-Nazi and clan member (who’s actually an undercover agent of the F.B.I. working to bring them down), but who has to act like one of them.

The group somehow obtains a "fact-shield" which protects the group from obvious, proven facts like the age of the Earth, climate change, you are born gay, etc etc. The shield could be a combination of the American flag, confederate flag, and a crucifix. Maybe in some battle Hal's alien race can summon it down to them. This alien race also has a Fox shaped devise that they talk into, which transforms their crazy words and ideas into the English language at such high, abnormal frequencies that those that hear it instantly believe the words to be true.

coming soon from the mind of Gary Dumm and Scott Kraynak and others..

nicolas grey 1/17/22 nicolas grey 1/17/22

The Wuhan Shootout

..the introduction to the story, ill post it when i finish it.

,,,full story coming soon…..(if you like my pics and can spare a dime, you can give me , via the link below )

spare a dime ?

nicolas grey 12/31/21 nicolas grey 12/31/21

happy new year

this pic is a few years old, but all the years just blur into one..happy new year humans of the internet.

nicolas grey 12/23/21 nicolas grey 12/23/21

god save the queen

….she made you a moron….

nicolas grey 12/23/21 nicolas grey 12/23/21

happy Christmas suckers

ho ho ho

nicolas grey 11/30/21 nicolas grey 11/30/21

Headache comix, the psychedelic issue, (coming soon).

for the upcoming issue of headache comix, i did a 25 story..here are the first 7 pages, the sort of intro..

Make it stand out

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

nicolas grey 9/27/21 nicolas grey 9/27/21

Headache comix, the psychedelic issue, coming soon.

Edited by Scott and Dennis…

Featuring underground comix art by Robert crumb, max clotfelter, Russ brown, nicolas.c grey, Dennis kitchen, Marc bell, Jason atomic , Theo Ellsworth, raquelle jac and many more.. follow us on Instagram for regular updates…

UPDATES HERE

“Psychedelics, hallucinogens, entheogens. LSD, acid, psilocybin, shrooms, ayahuasca, DMT. The psychedelic experience and its propagators have many names, and have played a central part in the human experience and history of mankind. In the modern world, it’s had its ups and downs as both a potential to expand consciousness and to push forward social change, to cure or at least mitigate suffering in individuals but has also been used by governments in mind-control experiments on unknowing citizens without consent. It played a huge part in the psychedelic era in the mid 60’s to the 70’s, in the artistic, musical, political, spritiual and philosophical arenas. Underground comix, always in touch with the subcultural, were naturally there to describe the experiences.

The shutdown of the therapeutic, and other, potentials of psychedelic and other drugs never died, it just went underground. The war on drugs never succeeded. Today we are seeing what some call ”a psychedelic renaissance” – cable news show interviews with psychologists and journalists who talk openly about psychedelics to promote their new books on the topic, and you can even invest in psychedelic stocks. There are trials for trying the potential healing effects of different drugs that have previously mostly been mentioned as ”frying your brains”, celebrities are talking proudly about their acid-trips in Netflix-shows and the hype of Silicon Valley microdosing has spread to people seeking an option to antidepressants or just to enhance their lives in different ways. “

Limited back issues still available at our website…..click below…

BUY BACK ISSUE WHILE YOU CAN!

nicolas grey 8/18/21 nicolas grey 8/18/21

DEATH OF A PORNOGRAPHER

a new graphic novel is finished and is in post production!

‘this is the most poetic work you’ve created. Very powerful at the end.

I do have to say I love the poetry, insight, tenderness and brutality in this beautiful story.

It’s interesting taking pornography and somehow inverting it into a love story, while still keeping it’s unsavory and disconnecting elements- this is really clever stuff- from a story telling and illustrational perspective,

you’ve done a great job of evoking the place and just as importantly, the feel. It’s a perfect paean to Soho, with all it’s cool traditions and interactions.

It’s a piece of psychogeography’’

a first draft review by Stafford Lawrence

Learn more

nicolas grey 8/18/21 nicolas grey 8/18/21

COMING SOON!LIFE SUCKS by Someoneelse.

Printed in Sweden, available via the website headachecomix.com

Meanwhile,

Headache no. 5 is still in stock.

The Sad and Lonely Summer issue! Learn how to not survive in the woods, why the modern world sucks, how life will be after Covid-19, watch a nipple free itself, read a tribute to S. Clay Wilson and more!

Featuring comics, art and stuff by:

Nicolas C. Grey
Greta Pielage
Mitch Lohmeier
Philip Siebel
R. Crumb
Malcy Duff
Daniel Watson
Jon Pogorelskin
Dunkle Nootenbury
Heidi Stoklund
Anders Hornstrup
Anton Ask

60 pages, saddle stitched, printed in Sweden 2021.

10€ (plus shipping)

plus, a few copies of some back issues….get em while you can!!!

ORDER HERE

nicolas grey 6/19/21 nicolas grey 6/19/21

HEADACHE 5 - THE SAD SUMMER ISSUE OUT NOW!!

Featuring comics, art and stuff by:

Nicolas C. Grey

Greta Pielage

Mitch Lohmeier

Philip Siebel

R. Crumb

Malcy Duff

Daniel Watson

Jon Pogorelskin

Dunkle Nootenbury

Heidi Stoklund

Anders Hornstrup

Anton Ask

60 pages, saddle stitched, printed in Sweden 2021.

10€ (plus shipping)

https://headachecomix.com

BUY HAPPINESS AND INNER PEACE HERE

nicolas grey 6/13/21 nicolas grey 6/13/21

BIG TECH IS TRYING TO REMOVE THIS POST!!!!!

Ok, it’s not really trying to do that .

In the technical language of advertising, that is known as lying .

A technique to CAPTURE your attention, in order to sell you something, with more LIES.

If you are still reading, we have hijacked your consciousness for this brief precious moment on planet earth.

Brand new research from 300 years ago now shows that honesty just doesn’t cut it anymore.

There are billions of us , all having to sell each other crap , so, we have to lie , deceive , bullshit each other . We just can’t help it , it’s just the way it is , so bearing that in mind, the following is all TRUE.

As epistemologically solid as the zit on your face .

YOU are unfulfilled.

YOU are lacking in some weird hard to define way.

Let’s face it , YOU aren’t good enough.

Not attractive enough, not rich enough, not cool enough.

Your friends, if you have any left , probably secretly hate you .

There is a gap, a hole .

BUT

Well, we have the PRODUCT that will finally fill that hole .

It WILL finally fulfill those NEEDS you never even realized you had .

Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones , and you and your friends have figured it all out and carved out your own little chunk of paradise, BUT, the MAN is always there , hovering, just about to fuck it all up, well , don’t worry, we have SOLUTIONS!

After reading this seemingly trivial comic book , FINALLY, it will all make sense, as you get to the final pages , you will almost feel the utopia you have always dreamed about coming to fruition.

The “ others “ will finally think the correct thoughts, the ones you agree with.

That is OUR promise to you .

So, act now , avoid panic buying , and SHOP.

We have a special “ fuck it , the world is ending anyway so we may as well read stupid comic books while we wait “ deal .

details to follow…

nicolas grey 5/19/21 nicolas grey 5/19/21

Dennis Linfords talks to Nicolas .c. Grey about his HEADACHE…

dennis;

how I ended up being the editor of headache commix….

It’s a long story. I woke up one day in Battambang, Cambodia, by a traditional funeral song being blasted out on the streets, which really mesmerized me. I headed out to get something to eat, and found you and your souvenir-shop full of weird shit across the streets of the place where I had my meal.

After knowing me for about 5 minutes you asked if I could take care of your shop for a couple of weeks, because you were going to see your mom in Thailand. I was at the end of my travels and had just come back from a headache-inducing meditation retreat, tired of travelling around feeling confused, so it sounded like a good idea.

You gave me a work-in-progress copy of ”This Dog Barking - the Strange story of U.G. Krishnamurti” before you left, which I helped you finish, and was the first thing we collaborated on. Later on, after I returned to Sweden, you came up with the idea to make a comics anthology, called Headache Comix… and… that’s how it started!

How did you come up with the idea of making headache comix?

nic;

I’ve always loved comics. I think I drew my first comic book at about 7 years old. I grew up with in the uk, where they had a good selection of comics for kids, and then my brother used to get 2000AD. I liked them, even though I was never that keen on the sci-fi stories or superhero stuff, but it was all there was.

When I was 16 I was a hippy when everyone else was a punk, and I probably saw some hippy comics like zap comics and others . I wasn’t long after that me and my good friend Ben Heath started our own comic called watermelon, this was before you could easily photocopy comics, so, just before zine culture really took of , or just at the start of it. The first issue was printed with metal plates, or however they did it back then.

We did that for a few years, and it was semi popular with the new demographic of drugged up ravers of the early 90s . This was also when, in the USA , comics had a real 2nd wave, you could get comics like eightball, weirdo, stickboy, trailer trash, all kinds of great comic books .

Somewhere along the line, my life spiraled out of control and I descended into drug addiction ect. Then, I cleaned up and through circumstances beyond my control, ended up moving to Cambodia about 16 years ago. I had to make a living somehow, so, I did shows in galleries.

I did ok, enough to just get by. I was also doing my first graphic novel , This Dog Barking, with my good friend James Farley, that ended up taking years and years, not just the drawing, but extensive research ect.

There is no underground comics in Cambodia. It’s wasn’t part of the culture. They had cheap, romantic of horror comics, and that was it. I missed them.

I had an idea to get some Cambodian artists together and do a comic . I would call it headache, as that was a popular phrase in Cambodia that people used for every problem, from a minor task being a bit of hassle, to a major catastrophe. I even held a few classes , some people where interested, but, it never came together. There wasn’t the motivation. Comics take a lot of work, and, there is no social capital in drawing a comic, unlike being an “ artist “.

But, I still liked the idea. If I couldn’t buy a comic in Cambodia, at least I could make my own.

I like self-published comics. I was slightly disappointed when everything turned into “ graphic novels “, and some of those people whose comics I used to read became celebrities in the comic world, I mean, they deserved it, they were brilliant artists, but one of the kicks I got out of comics was the kinda anonymous nature of them.

Weirdo was great for that , the hook was R Crumb, but he included all these great artists you never would hear of .

Comics are strange, they are hard work, you don’t make any money, and, it used to be none really cared much about them anyway, it had an outsider art quality to it, a kinda purest nature, totally at odds with how anything is meant to function in this world.

It’s kinda anarchic, or self-defeating, but it is the opposite of the art world, which is all about status and in the end, celebrity, which can sometimes take away from the art , it’s a bit of a dilemma, because artists do need to make money to even do them, but, a big part of my attraction is that, and that’s one of the things I wanted for headache.

Through Facebook I had made contact with quite a few cartoonists, so, I figured I would just try and get a few good contributions, and, I still did the odd short comic strip , and , just put it together. You had done such a great job with the graphic novel ‘‘this dog barking’’, that had somehow ended up being published by happer Collins in India, that I wanted to involve you again. Then, I figured you are better at being the editor than I was, so, here we are.

dennis;

Recently I’ve been reflecting a lot on shame and guilt, and realized how much it has been affecting my life, much more so than I've ever thought before. It’s been quite eye-opening to see, a revelation almost, in how many ways it has had a negative impact on everything from my relationships to trying to accomplish more personal goals. One of the most painful thing is probably how it has been a huge roadblock for doing the things I love. In seeing that, I’ve also come to recognize it in friends, family, and in extension how it affects society and the cultures we are living in. Your story ”Life is meaningless and then you die” in Headache 3, brings that up, for example in the way advertising often works with subliminal messages to make you feel like an ugly, stupid loser - basically shaming you - and then selling you the solution that will make you attractive, smart, cool, powerful and whatever. How do you think shame and guilt has affected your life? Is it a topic you intentionally work with in your comics? And do you see it often in other cartoonists work?

nic;

In my personal life, when I was younger, and , for a while, a drug addict, and petty criminal, I , quite naturally, did suffer from shame and guilt . I think most people understand these things as negative emotions ( if you can class them as emotions, I don’t know), but I feel neutral about them, in that it can be a good thing to feel these things, but, it can get misplaced and then it can have a negative effect. The sad fact was I used to do a lot of things I knew where bad, in truth , mostly to myself, but, it effected people that where close to me. So, the shame and guilt was there for me to recognize that, and, change my behaviors. Of course, I didn’t , for years and years, as a negative feedback loop can, and often does, happen. The more shame and guilt i felt the more i ended up trying to escape those feelings, which led to more behaviors that were shameful or hurtful .

Now that I’m older , I recognize this pattern better. I do my best not do engage in things that make me feel shame and guilt. Of course, it’s not that simple , but I do my best . Simple things, like doing the things I say i’m going to do, not be a dick to people, ect ect . There is also this idea that there is no such thing as a private belief, epistemic responsibility, is the fancy term. The idea is simple, if I privately hate women, and don’t go around expressing that belief, it’s so going to affect my behavior to woman, therefore, my private beliefs do matter , so, I try to look at the things I believe in as well, and the effect those beliefs have on the world. Like I say , it’s complicated, right now it has been speculated we are in an epistemological crisis, and I tend to agree . So, good people may believe bad ideas, thinking they are good ideas , I could believe in bad ideas , and think they are good ideas .

Culturally, the world runs on shame and quilt. It’s just a side affect of the economic situation we find imposed on us . People need to sell shit to people, and keep that up forever ( according to the current economic model ) so, a huge degree of manipulation has to be involved in that , and, if you are born into this culture, which is global to some degree, no one is immune. So, a lot of work goes into messages that we are not good enough. A lot of guilt can be pushed on to the individual, you are causing global warming because you didn’t buy that organic tomato which is strangely twice the price of a regular tomato. Or, the device I’m typing this on was made possible by child labor in Africa, but, short of total non-participation in society ( which is hard, and getting harder , and, really not a life most people can handle ) you have to accept that is just how things are . All we can do is our best I guess . Obviously, some people don’t give a fuck about things like that , or hold a set of beliefs that justify it . Are they “ happier “, maybe, but, in my opinion, that’s another engine that drives quilt and shame , the idea that the goal of life is your own personal happiness. So, yes , this stuff works it’s way into my comics, as , like everyone else, I’m trying to navigate being a human in a very complex world, and to understand it, to understand why I feel or have felt certain ways .

I don’t see it that often in comics, sometimes. I should add, I don’t read a lot of comics, so, for all I know, there could be a lot of them. But, it’s seems more popular for people to write about there personal lives , and, that’s fine , I understand that , and understand you can work these themes into personal stories. I have just not taken that road particularly. I don’t enjoy thinking about my life , my past , I find it quite depressing. I enjoy taking a more philosophical approach, maybe that’s a cop out, I don’t know .

dennis;

Your drawings are usually extremely detailed and packed with information. A few years ago you had an exhibition called ”Horror Vacui” - latin for ”fear of empty space" - , where you had filled walls and objects with your crosshatched, chaotic worlds. I know you listen to a lot of podcasts, audiobooks and youtube-videos when you draw - you seem to fill any empty space that would be left in your mind as well. Would you say you have a fear of empty space in that sense? Is your style of drawing purely an artistic choice, some kind of compulsion, or maybe just a meditative act?

nic;

It must be a compulsion, I don’t remember ever making an artist choice , I tend to think it as just a compulsion. I know this will sound deliberately self-deprecating , but I’ve never considered myself a particularly good artist. I have been much more prone to view my compulsion to draw, and draw the way I draw , as either some form of mental illness, or avoidance strategy.

Not sure why , but, in the past I have spend months and months doing a drawing, and , after I finished it, just moving on to the next one, not thinking much about showing it to anyone.

I do find drawing to be very meditative. I also find it helpful, at certain stages , to listen to something while I draw. It’s like my mind can be occupied with what I’m listening to , and quite engaged with it, almost freeing another part of my mind to draw. I don’t really understand why it works like that , or what is going on.

If for whatever reason I can’t draw for hours every day, and it goes on for to long, I begin to get pretty depressed. I really am unsure if this is healthy behavior or not.

My fear of empty spaces appears not only in my drawings , but in everywhere I have lived . I’ve moved 100’s of times and I also compulsively collect junk . At my worst , I was a full on hoarder , with men in hazmat suits appearing at my door once after a social worker had called . I’m a lot better now, but I still have this tendency. I see crap on the sidewalk and bring it home .

There is definitely something wrong with me, but I’m to poor to see a therapist. But, I’m also a mostly calm person. I actually like looking at landscapes that are not cluttered, like, the sea . I could stare at the sea for hours . I don’t know, I haven’t figured it out yet . It even bothers me when I see people’s houses in movies and there is to much empty space around them. When my brother said he was DE cluttering his house, I felt a pang of anxiety, totally irrational. I have been told various theories, heard various theories, but, like I said, more to understand it as a kind of mental illness. Drawing may be just a byproduct of it , and I can create worlds that are crammed full of details, with a bit of paper and pen, and, the fact I find this relaxing, is, weird. But maybe it better for everyone that I can get my weirdness out on paper, so, appear relatively normal in real life ( though that would be up for debate I guess , depending on who you ask )

dennis;

How does your work process look like?

nic;

It looks like me lying on my stomach on the floor , with a lamp, in the darkness of the night , listening to some bullshit on YouTube, and making marks on bits of white paper. Really not that exciting. I’ve drawn lying on the floor since I was a little kid .

dennis;

How do you get started on a new idea?

nic;

I have notebooks lying around with ideas and outlines for stories. I’m always working on multiple projects , jumping from on to the other .

If my imagination stopped functioning tomorrow, I would still have years of stuff to do that is already there, in my head. Ideas, really, come pretty easy .

It’s in doing the work that makes the idea into a graphic novel, or a comic strip, or just a big drawing, that is the work. The work of doing it can change the idea, it always gets to the stage where it feels like I’m just doing the work, the thing is already there, complete, I’m just a kinda very low paid worker drawing it up.

I can always somehow manage to fool myself into thinking what I’m doing the moment is good, long enough to finish it, once it’s finished, I usually feel almost embarrassed by the whole thing . Maybe that’s motivates me to try again, I’m not sure why it never motivates me to just quit, but, really, at this stage in my life , I would not know what else I can do.

dennis;

how much time do you spend making it (how many hours a day do you draw), and where do you usually work?

nic;

I usually work throughout the night , from about 9ish , till 6 am. Taking breaks to look at some garbage on the internet, or get in to a pointless argument on Facebook. I take a day or 2 of a week, to actually go outside and walk around in nature for the day. I watch a lot of movies . At heart , I think I’m lazy, but, really, I work pretty much all the time . Maybe I aspire to be lazy . Like I said, I work lying on the floor in the front room of a little apartment on the 3rd floor of an old building, under some kind of bird house, that used to be a bat house, so, there are bats flying around, not many , but a few .

dennis;

You live under some kind of bird house, that used to be a bat house?

nic;

I live on the 3rd floor in an old apartment block in a s small town in Cambodia.

I think the apartment were once for government workers.

It’s kinda falling apart, but, so I am.

The floor above me is some kind of make shift structure, I always assumed was abandoned. In my hall, there is a set of stairs , that lead to a metal door with a rusty old padlock.

One day, out of curiosity, I looked through this tiny slot they had in the door, and I could make out some kind of machine in there with blinking lights , it was confusing, as I didn’t know where the electricity was going from, or what that machine meant. It was probably a year before this guy appeared and wanted to go up there . I couldn’t communicate with him that well, but, managed to figure out it was a bat house up there . There was always quite a few bats flying around the house in the evening. The device , was some kinda MP3 player that played sounds to attract bats . About a year later, a bunch of people came and changed the machine to a machine that made fake bird sounds. They had given up on the bats . I know, in Cambodia, you can make a lot of money selling bird nest stuff, for this weird drink that is popular all over Asia . Anyway, now, during the day, I have fake birds sounds . It’s not so bad , a bit surreal I guess , but it’s pretty realistic and not so loud . However, the bats are still nesting someplace as I still have bats flying around, and a lot of bat shit in the hall way, and , occasionally, a dead bat . Maybe I should make some bat soup and attempt to start another pandemic.

dennis;

We're planning a "Psychedelic issue" of Headache soon , Are you planning something for this?

It will be shocking for people to hear that I used to take a hell of a lot of lsd when I was younger , and for quite a few years, until it completely fried my brain. Years and years later, I have occasionally taken it again. I have noticed it has been getting a lot of attention these days. I will draw a story about my thoughts and experiences with lsd mostly, the good, the bad and the ugly .

What kind of submissions would you like to see for it?

nic;

I’m sure you’ll do a great job getting wonderful submissions, you always do. I will be interested to see what people have to say about the subject. It’s gone full circle , from the 60s, when it was going to save the world, to , it was going to drive you insane , back to it being a cure all for all most everything you can think of . It would be nice to see a range of views on it .

dennis;

Today, on the 16th of April, Jeff Bezos announced that he will be stepping down as CEO of Amazon. How do you feel about mr Bezos and his company, and what do you think he's going to do next?

nic;

It’s a question I often get asked , a least a few times a day. I haven’t commented publicly yet, and, wasn’t going to. Jeff is a powerful man, he has connections. I’m not saying he killed the story, but for the first time , I am going to publish a phone exchange between Jeff bezos and an unnamed ceo of headache comix inc .

Jeff: I heard you were going to release headache via our print on demand service , what happened?

Headache ceo ( herein referred to as mr . X ) : I which you would stop calling me .

Jeff : I’m sorry, but, well, you know, I really wanted this one. Your comic has that certain edge , I thought it vibed well with our brand. I’m not saying I took the decision personally, but,..

Mr. x : I told you, I was uncomfortable with the business practice of undercutting small businesses and selling products on your digital platform, trying not only to take over the market, but, become the market itself, all the while, avoiding taxes and using cheap labor, treating people like machines , it’s creepy Jeff . I don’t want to get personal, but, well, you come across as a bit creepy.

Jeff : the fact that I exist , and do what I do, well, the global economy is like falling dominions, and that first domino was pushed long before you and I where born, if it’s wasn’t me, it would have been someone else.

Mr x : whatever Jeff

Jeff : look, I made a ton of cash out of this pandemic, I’m not trying to bribe you, but have you thought about your future? Where you see yourself in 10 years time ? I do have a nice bunker built in a undisclosed location, it’s pretty big, I’m just saying.

Mr. x : sorry Jeff , we here at headache making a stand . We are going with that small printer in Sweden.

Jeff : you know what , Fuck you , go Fuck yourselves. You think you can take a stand against me ? I’m a primal force ! You’re like a weak pathetic delusional men standing at the sea shore , demanding the tide not come in . Fuck you, I’m quitting any way . Fucking fuck fuck fuck .

Mr. x : quitting? What you gonna do ?

Jeff : fuck youuuuuuuuu.....,

dennis;

You mentioned that there were circumstances beyond your control that made you move to Cambodia. What were those circumstances?

Without going into the details, when my daughter was about 2, she and her mother ( we split up before then ) moved to Cambodia.

I was in London. It boiled down to, if I wanted to be around, see her grow up, I would have to gather what money I could and move to Cambodia. It was a good decision, as, I did, indeed get to be around. It was tough to survive, but, I did . I would never have come here otherwise, I didn’t really think about traveling, back backings ect , it was an alien concept to me. You could say I moved here for love .

dennis;
What do you fear most about the future? In the context of your own life, but also when it comes to this ball floating around in space, that we live on.

nic;

I have always had a pessimist view of the future, when we did the last watermelon comic, I can’t remember what year it was, but we put 1999 on the cover, because, it seemed so, futuristic!

I kinda thought we may all be dead by then.

I think humans are mostly pretty lousy at predicting the future, maybe the writer Philip k dick was the closest .

I know I will get old, everyone I love will die, I will die .

I hope those I love don’t suffer, I guess, that is a worry, more than a fear.

To be honest, I hope people who I don’t even like don’t suffer . It may sound cheesy, but, if there is one thing I’m pretty sure of is that my own personal happiness and fulfillment, wouldn’t mean all that much if there is suffering all around me, and, that suffering is just a fact of life .

I worry about the collapse of society in terms of how it will affect people mentality, it’s nice to think it would bring people together, but, I’m not so sure.

I do try to challenge myself to think of good things that could happen, because, I find it pretty easy to come up with dystopian visions . I don’t really like thinking about the future, or the past , it’s better for me to take things day by day. I had a lot of disappointments, so, I don’t like to get my hopes up about many things , and, sometimes it’s painful to look back on the past. Even the happy times gets mixed up with melancholy.

I could take the long view , and pretend none of it will matter in the end because this planet will burn out and everything will eventually be forgotten, but, that’s just a story.

The fact is , I’m stuck in this ever changing moment, one falling into the next , and it’s what happens there that’s important I guess, and, the relationships I have with people, the rest, is somehow, I think, trivial. Even knowing this, I’m sure I could be better, but, all I can do is try .

dennis;

If you would imagine yourself in a parallel universe, where you made some different choices in a young age, had different opportunities, or weren’t introduced to certain things that complicated your life to a great extent (like illegal drugs for example), and never started making comics (because that’s almost on par with becoming a drug addict), how do you imagine the Parallel Nicolas C. Grey? What’s he doing right now? Where is he living? Pick a miserable version and an ”I- wish-that-was-me-in-this-universe” one.

nic;

When I was young I read this book, “ the strange life of Ivan osokin “, by ouspenski. He was a friend of gurdieff, the Russian “ mystic “ popular in the 1930,s. The book was said to distill all his teachings in one short(ish) story. The premise, if I recall, is a suicidal man, feeling he has failed at everything, meets a magician, who says he can live his life over again, knowing all that he knows now, so, he can avoid the mistakes he makes . So, that what happens, but, the twist is, even knowing everything, he still somehow ends up repeating the same mistakes.

That book always stuck with me , I don’t know why.

So, even though I have regrets , I’m not so sure anything could be any different.

I often think of my life like a movie I’m am watching, I can only comment on it as it is happening, so, it’s hard to think of this idea seriously. Yes, I could fantasize that I could have a different life, but, I would still be me, whatever that means. I already feel like I have lived multiple lives .

When I wrote the comic book, “ life sucks “, it’s all about Parallel worlds, and they collapse in on each other, the character from the parallel worlds meet, explode into each other , but, the little cartoon bear ( the anti-hero of the comic ) just kinda blunders on. Drawing is creating parallel worlds, dreaming, maybe thinking is itself .

The world is pretty weird as it is.

So, I think the miserable version, and the ‘‘ I wish that was me’’ version, is the same, and it’s this world, with all its sadness, happiness, failings , love, loss and longing , it’s this world.

Dennis ; What are you working on now .. ?

I’m on the last chapter of a graphic novel written by Vincent Alexander, called “ death of a pornographer “. It’s a kinda love story. It has elements of Vincent’s experiences of working in a sex shop in soho .

It’s sparse and beautifully written , almost like poetry.

I just hope my drawings do it justice .

It’s kinda different from what I do usually, it’s been challenging. It’s set in a real place, it has a certain mood . It’s taken me / us years . My father went to school in Soho , so, I like that about it as well , some strange kind of connection.

Other than that , drawing for headache, other drawings, looking forward to doing the psychedelic themed issue. I wish I had more time , there is so much I want to do.

Dennis ; And , finally, how are you ?

It’s always an odd question.

I know people are just meant to say , I’m fine , how are you ? And , I guess that does cover it most the time.

I read someplace that we should not feel obligated to be the same person everyday, that if you are depressed today, does not mean you have to be that way tomorrow. I’m kinda get that , but , we all have this background hum, that we don’t think about, but it’s there . Maybe it’s all bullshit , but it’s like a story that plays inaudibly in the background, giving a consistency to our identity. Sometimes I get depressed, sad , whatever, and kinda hate the world , but , only in an abstract kind of way , really, I love life . I love the very few people that I’m close to . I love the wonder of it all , the mystery. It’s really all so goddammed beautiful, so, yeah, I guess I’m doing just fine .

How are you ?

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research

nicolas grey 4/10/21 nicolas grey 4/10/21

A List of exhibitions at Java, Cambodia.

2019 Counterfeit Narratives, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2018 Anemoia, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2015 The Disappearance, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2014 Horror Vacui, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2013 This Dog Barking, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2011 Love, Lust and Loathing, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2010 Joe Odd, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2009 A Dark Corridor, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2008 A Chinese Mystery, Closet Gallery, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

2008 Mystique of the Orient, Java Creative Cafe, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

jave arts

nicolas grey 4/5/21 nicolas grey 4/5/21

Death of a Pornographer Interview with Vincent Alexander & Nicolas C Grey

What appealed to you about the Death of a Pornographer idea?

Nic: I meet Vincent (the author) through my friend James - who wrote This Dog Barking - The Strange Story of UG Krishnamurti. He is his brother. Although I don’t know him as well as James, I always enjoyed his company and his laconic sense of humour. The three of us, in our pasts, have had our problems with addiction. Though no laughing matter, it’s undeniable there are some good stories surrounding that lifestyle.

Vincent worked in Soho for many years. He didn’t talk about it all that much as I think it was fairly traumatic for him, but he would occasionally share anecdotes about his time working in the sex shops . They were mostly funny, in a tragic kind of way. My father (also an artist - Stephen Grey) grew up in Soho and I had been around that area , but unless you are involved in that sex and gangster scene , it’s a closed world, so, it was both interesting and revealing at the same time.

At first, i thought the book maybe just a collection of these anecdotes, that would have been fine, but it became clear that Vincent had a story to tell that went deeper than just some funny stories. I had no idea how the book would go, but as it developed i felt Vincent had managed to convey something almost spiritual in the story , transcendent. And in that context, in that place , with those characters, I found it quite remarkable. It’s almost like he has managed to create a feeling between the words , I’m not sure how it works . So, while I was initially attracted to just the idea of giving people a peek into this closed world , it became something else . It has kept all the humour but has this whole other mysterious layer added, which I hadn’t expected.

Visually and artistically I was ambivalent about it. On the plus side , I knew I would get to draw lots of depressed looking people, and for whatever reason, most people I draw end up looking depressed, on the down side , it’s set in a real place , so that involves drawing real buildings and real streets and that was , I knew , going to be a challenge for me .

What about you, Vince, why did you write the book?

Vin: I wanted to tell a story about the decline of Soho. From what it once was, to what it is now. From a place i loved, full of life & character, to just another overpriced faceless place, &,knowing Nic & his work, couldn't think of anyone better to show this through his art.

How did you start working in the Adult Entertainment business – was it something you always wanted to do ?

Vin: No, it wasn’t something that i’d ever thought about. I’d moved to London after a few disastrous house moves & jobs transfers elsewhere around England. From Oxford I ended up in East London after a successful rescue mission by my brother. I started with good intentions – got a job in Bow working 12 hour shifts in a factory – it was awful – but kept it up until set off for my shift one day – turned around on the way there & decided ‘no’ –& headed back home – spent next few months living on , I don’t know what. But had to get a job. Applied to an agency for a job as a binman. Got it. But turned up late & had missed it. The agency guy told to me to hang about & asked ‘have you done retail?’ I said ‘yes’ & he sent me to a shop in Soho. Didn’t know it was a sex shop. I was turned away initially by the owner, he didn’t think I was right. But someone came running out to say I was. Took me back in.

READ THE FULL INTERVIEW HERE…….

FULL INTERVIEW

nicolas grey 3/22/21 nicolas grey 3/22/21

R CRUMB letter and RIP Gary Leib

When I was a young man , in the early 80s, my friend Ben and I published an underground comic called watermelon. It’s hard to remember the timing of cultural developments , but I think it was just before zines took of in a big way, as we had to use a real printer that made metal plates ect . I guess it was the 90s when there was this , what I would describe, as a 2nd wave of underground comics . Before that , I had read zap comics, and a few others . Robert Crumb, like a lot of people, was a favorite of mine . His style of drawing had an accessibility that was combined with a very psychedelic sensibility. When the comics of the 90s appeared , there was a lot of great works . They were cheap ( ish ) beautiful works of art , my favorite was weirdo, stickboy, idiotland , trailer trash , eightball , Ed the happy clown . I didn’t really know who these people where , and it never seemed to matter . I never got into the nitty gritty of comics , I didn’t read the comics journal , ect , I just liked the comics themselves. I liked them more than any artwork you could see at the beautiful art galleries in London. I liked that there was no real hierarchy I could figure out .

After some time, I had a great deal of personal problems, ending in drug addiction, homelessness, prison , stuff like that , and I kinda lost touch with most things like that . I would read a lot ( I compulsively stole books ) I would switch between crime novels , philosophy, and esoteric literature. I would read these books on the street corner with a sign that read , I will draw anything for any amount of money you like . I mostly got a lot of freaks wanting me to draw bizarre sex fantasies, or themselves as being a rich rock star. I didn’t get that many customers. I looked a mess , mostly people would just drop some spare change in the paper cup I had placed in front of me .

Eventually I cleaned up , and through a series of totally unexpected and somewhat troubling circumstances, I ended up having to move to Cambodia. I sold all those great comics and books I had stored here and there , and with a few 100 bucks moved to Phnom Penh. It was to be near my daughter, who was only a little kid at the time. It was the only way I would be able to see her as she grew up , be around for her .

I managed to survive as an “ artist “ in Cambodia, somehow. That was around 16 years ago now . In Cambodia, I completely lost touch with any cultural developments in the west . From what I could figure out , comics had become a big thing, and , well , it was all graphic novels now . Some of the comics I read , the artists , I guess , had become a big deal . I wasn’t really sure . When I started my own underground comic again here , headache , I , somehow having acquired his Address , wrote crumb a letter , asking if I could reprint some of his stuff.

I had never worked out where I fit into to anything, where in any hierarchy I was , I always assumed, no where . Of no significance. I was ok with that . Maybe that why I thought I could write one of the most famous cartoonist in the world of underground comics a letter , I don’t know. Anyway, he wrote a few back , and , indeed did allow me to reprint his drawings. He is , apparently, quite well known for being very generous with his support of artists. A nice quality I think. I share one of his letters here , because, I know people find him interesting.

On another note , I heard Gary lieb died . He did a comic book I loved , called idiotland , back in the 90s. I know nothing about the guy , but that comic was great.

Yes , I know , people die all the time, and it’s sad for those that loved them,and it’s kinda odd to single out people you have never meet or know nothing about, but , I have a idiotland framed on my wall with a few other comics. So, I glad he did them, I grateful for him for that . Who knows what it all means.

nicolas grey 3/9/21 nicolas grey 3/9/21

witch-pricker by Tangerine Press

Witch-pricker aka "Garjian Haingel"

One-off 'chapbook journal' of new writing.

Volume two, issue four in an ongoing series.

Other issues: Counterfeit Crank, Judas-hole, Quincunx, Scare-devil, Schizzo, Turpin's Cave, Fool-saint.

Contributors: James Kelman, Claudia Bierschenk, Karina Bush, Billy Childish, Benjamin Myers, Melissa Lee Houghton, Hosho McCreesh, Fred Voss, Costas Despiniadis, Natasha Dennerstein, John Dorsey, Michelle Storer, Mather Schneider, Christian Livermore, Anna Wall, Brian McGettrick, plus new artwork by Nicolas Grey & James Farley

Learn more

nicolas grey 3/1/21 nicolas grey 3/1/21

comically unfit cartoonist and friends attempt a run for charity…

i will be doing 10km solidarity Run on March 13th 2021 to help those in need. if you want to chip in some money you can donate to several places, both in Cambodia, and the UK. ( see below ) Thanks everyone.